Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Dear God,

Lord, I love you. I love you with all of my heart and soul. I am blessed for you to be my Father, and for giving me life into the family I am beyond words blessed to have.

God, I have been on an emotional roller coaster. I have given you my troubles, and you have gladly carried them for me. I have pounded my fists in anger, cried in mourning, sang with joy at the triumphs and even through the sorrows. I have been given strength from you that not a person could touch. You have shown me grace in the difficult times and given me mercy when I feel pressure to perform when my mind and body is physically exhausted. You, and only YOU, are who I know will always be there when I need a hand to push me forward, a guide to steer me in the correct direction, and the motivation to go on when I feel like a part of me has died. God, YOU, and YOU ALONE are the only one who could take my pain and bear it for me.

God, I know what you felt when you sacrificed your son, as I am sacrificing my father to disease I hate. I have never been angry with you, and even though you allow me the freedom to be angry with you, how could I be? 29 years of a father who has gone over above and beyond to care for me, love me, and stand by me when at times all I did was push him away. My parents have been my constant all of my life. At times, I wonder how lucky am I to have them as parents. Especially my father. My dad has taught me so much, as well as my mom. They are an inseperable team. They are like Peanut Butter and Jelly. I think that is the hardest part for me other than watching my girls see my dad sick, is watching my mom put to reality "In sickness and health". God, YOU HAVE BLESSED ME! You have truly blessed me.

Lord, tomorrow when we go see Ryan's doctor on the 6th anniversary of his final fight, please allow July 14th to become a miracle day. Please do not allow my little family anymore pain on that day. Please make dad's life the one that turns July 14th into a day of celebration. Please give Dr. Bhiriay wisdom and precision to see between the lines and allow a miracle to happen for my dad. PLEASE.

The tears you have allowed to fall on my cheeks have been of sorrow for a time. Please allow these tears to be ones of joy tomorrow. God, I have never wanted anything more in my entire life than for my dad to experience his wife, his children and most importantly his grandchildren for a longer time on earth.

If this is not your will, I will accept it. I have learned that unanswered prayers are doors opening for a better plan in your timing. I am on board with your timing God. I will accept it, because I am not in control of your will. I am in total service to you, and will do what is asked of me. I trust you with my dad's life. I know you are holding him in your strong hands and that you will not let him suffer. You are a kind God, who loves his children. I love you as my heavenly father, my guidence, my heart.

I love you, Lord. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.