It's been raining alot lately. Typical spring weather. Rainy days make me agitated, especially in spring. But when I think deeper, I think of how God is working this season thing out and how it runs a course. We should compare it to our lives.
No one is happy all of the time. I can accept that I will have bad days. I can accept that things will be roadblocks, because I know that there is sunshine soon to come after the rain. Even if the forecast says rain everyday, there's usually a sunny day in there somewhere. It's been hard to accept this concept lately.
I have so many blessings to reflect on. I have a husband who loves me unconditionally. He's seen me at my worst, and loved me stronger during those times. I have two beautiful little girls who are my daily joy. They bring me laughter, smiles and have taught me selflessness. I have a family that I am extremely grateful for. They have been there for everything, and even when I get in my "moods" they still love me and accept me for who I am. So when I am told from above to do something that I am not gung-ho for, I have all the people listed above as my safety net.
Today is the day that I need that net.
For a while now, God has been speaking to my heart. I have put Him off because I didn't like His words. For awhile I thought "This cannot be right! What is He doing to me, leading me in this direction?!" But now, as usual, I have come to the realization he is doing this to HELP me, not HINDER me. I need to take this step.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
I will begin working from home,starting in June. I trust that He knows that I will continue to prosper. I am scared, don't get me wrong. But many factors are pointing to this when I look at the big picture. Here are some of the changes I will be changing to make this transistion smooth.
I have wanted to go Eco-Friendlier for some time. About 30% of my business is Eco-friendly at this time. 30% isn't really good enough, in my opinion. Working from home I will be implementing that all ordering will be done online and direct shipped to you. This takes a step out of our carbon footprint, not completely, but reduces it. I will not be driving my gigantic tank of a SUV to and from the studio everyday, and you will not be driving your car to the studio to do something that can be done from the comfort of your own home. You will not have to drive to the studio to pick up prints, because they will be delievered to your door. I'm looking into other ways to reduce our carbon footprint, and though this may not matter you, it does considerably to me. God only gave us ONE EARTH. Just as He only gave us one chance to keep it beautiful while we live here.
Gas. We all have to deal with this factor. By not having to use my resources to pay for a studio, I can keep costs down considerably to you by not having to raise my session fees/print prices to pay for the gas I use to be a natural light photographer. Again, this goes in with the eco-friendly part. Also, Troy's work takes him all over Ohio, and out of town alot. Right now, we spend $200 to get him to work and back home every week. We, just like most of you, are on a budget, saving for emergencies, future college, car, wedding times two, bills, our own student loans, etc. A fellow colleague told me once to never talk about your money, but guess what, I am a wife, mother and human being. We have bills too. I don't like that $200 goes to gas for Troy only. That isn't counting what I spend on gas. To put it in perspective for you, $55 at $4.15/gallon gets me a half-tank of gas. Yeah, I KNOW.
Responsibility to my parents is another factor. I want to know that I can do my part as their child to take care of things they need from me during this time. I need to honor them because they are great people who sacrificed alot to raise me. I love them very much and appreciate them more than I could ever express.
I have tried to dodge this for a while. But, God shoots straight. I have been prayerful and discerning in what my heart tells me. Some of the things I have tried to cushion this have not been fruitful and so now it's just time.
Thank you to all my friends and family who I have let in on this and for your prayers and advice. I'm sure God will give me, as he did when I took the leap of faith to even do this profession, the wisdom and grace to do this right.
Thank you to the clients in advance for bearing with me while I make this change. There will be bugs to work out, and I understand there will be frustrations, but I promise to make it up to you in hugs and chocolate.. okay and some awesome sales :)
Here is a song that has been playing in my heart as I go through this transistion process. Reminding me that even if I make mistakes in this process, God is there to send the rain to wash me clean and give me another shot. Isn't God AWESOME?
Love you all and thanks for all of your support during this time!
Showing posts with label jt's life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jt's life. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Friday, January 7, 2011
Some things I am not calling resolutions :)
The New Year is here. So are resolutions. Do you have one? The only one I have been able to keep is that I won't cut my hair. That one has been going on for 2 years now, thankyouverymuch. :)
I hate the idea of New Years Resolutions. It just seems so temporary to me. Something to nag yourself about for about 2 weeks until you divulge in your weakness and then feel guilty about it. Bah. Don't get me wrong, I love when people make goals and the such, but who in their right mind thinks that just because we changed a calendar, you will change your life in one fall swoop? Not this girl.
Why am I bringing all this up? Because I have made goals (NOT resolutions) for this year and I am going to share them with you. But I am making these goals without pressure. If I don't do them? Who cares? Will the world fall apart because I might fail at something? Um, no. I am human. So here goes my pressure-free list of imagination-worthy and some realistic goals ;)
1. I won't cut my hair. ;)
2. Get up the nerve to be on the outside who I am on the inside. (And to squash rumors, this is about the skinny girl living in there. The bohemian skinny girl who wants to rock out all the clothes on this Etsy shop. You may send me gift certificates to this shop, please and thank you.)
3. To enjoy my husband more.
4. To make more time for me.
5. To make more time for family (which should just be combined with the last one, because I feel it is all one.)
6. To remind myself that the imperfections aren't like bruises on fruit.. It's just a place to grow.
7. To see God is in all things.
8. To appreciate the people who appreciate me, more.
9. Search inside myself. Deeper understanding.
10. To be healthier. In every aspect, not just food or physically.
11. To embrace changes.
12. To learn to let the natural flow take hold. I cannot cannot control ANYTHING. Control is an illusion <3
13. To be there for my husband & kids. REALLY be there.
14. To actually do my hair at least 4 times a week. ;) No ponytails!
15. To discover some new shows/bands this year.
16. To attend a ekoostic hookah show, since I haven't ever been to one! EVER.
17. To let things go. No more letting other peoples stress tangle me up.
18. To laugh more :)
19. To have one (or more) summer night barefoot, on a blanket, a bottle of wine, under the stars, with my husband.
20. To have one (or more) summer night barefoot, on a blanket, many bottles of wine, under the stars, with my best friends.
21. To do one thing I have never ever done before.
22. To give back.
23. To start a non-profit.
24. To travel.
25. To have a vacation, on a beach, like we were SUPPOSED to do last summer, that work swallowed up.
26. Not feel guilty when I take a day off.
27. To paint my toenails all the colors I have at least once this year.
28. To read 5 books. About God. And Joan Baez ;)
29. To conserve & protect the earth all that I can as one of the persons in charge of a family.
30. To write more. Write of myself, and inner being. Not just write words.
31. To use my home camera more than I use my work camera.
32. To end this year feeling that I found out a little more about myself.
33. To really get to know my parents, my brothers.
34. To find more weight in my own opinion of myself, than others' about me.
35. To rekindle an old friendship.
36. To allow others who appreciate me in, and keep those who want to hurt me out.
37. To tell more people about spirituality and living in the Holy Spirit.
38. To be a shoulder to cry on, and to get one in return when I need it.
39. To *maybe* get the gonads to dread my hair. ;)
40. To be able to change someone's life.
I hate the idea of New Years Resolutions. It just seems so temporary to me. Something to nag yourself about for about 2 weeks until you divulge in your weakness and then feel guilty about it. Bah. Don't get me wrong, I love when people make goals and the such, but who in their right mind thinks that just because we changed a calendar, you will change your life in one fall swoop? Not this girl.
Why am I bringing all this up? Because I have made goals (NOT resolutions) for this year and I am going to share them with you. But I am making these goals without pressure. If I don't do them? Who cares? Will the world fall apart because I might fail at something? Um, no. I am human. So here goes my pressure-free list of imagination-worthy and some realistic goals ;)
1. I won't cut my hair. ;)
2. Get up the nerve to be on the outside who I am on the inside. (And to squash rumors, this is about the skinny girl living in there. The bohemian skinny girl who wants to rock out all the clothes on this Etsy shop. You may send me gift certificates to this shop, please and thank you.)
3. To enjoy my husband more.
4. To make more time for me.
5. To make more time for family (which should just be combined with the last one, because I feel it is all one.)
6. To remind myself that the imperfections aren't like bruises on fruit.. It's just a place to grow.
7. To see God is in all things.
8. To appreciate the people who appreciate me, more.
9. Search inside myself. Deeper understanding.
10. To be healthier. In every aspect, not just food or physically.
11. To embrace changes.
12. To learn to let the natural flow take hold. I cannot cannot control ANYTHING. Control is an illusion <3
13. To be there for my husband & kids. REALLY be there.
14. To actually do my hair at least 4 times a week. ;) No ponytails!
15. To discover some new shows/bands this year.
16. To attend a ekoostic hookah show, since I haven't ever been to one! EVER.
17. To let things go. No more letting other peoples stress tangle me up.
18. To laugh more :)
19. To have one (or more) summer night barefoot, on a blanket, a bottle of wine, under the stars, with my husband.
20. To have one (or more) summer night barefoot, on a blanket, many bottles of wine, under the stars, with my best friends.
21. To do one thing I have never ever done before.
22. To give back.
23. To start a non-profit.
24. To travel.
25. To have a vacation, on a beach, like we were SUPPOSED to do last summer, that work swallowed up.
26. Not feel guilty when I take a day off.
27. To paint my toenails all the colors I have at least once this year.
28. To read 5 books. About God. And Joan Baez ;)
29. To conserve & protect the earth all that I can as one of the persons in charge of a family.
30. To write more. Write of myself, and inner being. Not just write words.
31. To use my home camera more than I use my work camera.
32. To end this year feeling that I found out a little more about myself.
33. To really get to know my parents, my brothers.
34. To find more weight in my own opinion of myself, than others' about me.
35. To rekindle an old friendship.
36. To allow others who appreciate me in, and keep those who want to hurt me out.
37. To tell more people about spirituality and living in the Holy Spirit.
38. To be a shoulder to cry on, and to get one in return when I need it.
39. To *maybe* get the gonads to dread my hair. ;)
40. To be able to change someone's life.
Friday, December 31, 2010
2010.
How can a year be summed up in 30-some pictures? It can't. Especially this year. This year, for me, started with a birth, scared the hell out of me in the middle, and left me exhausted at the end. However, there were monumental happenings this year that rocked me to the core and made me stand taller than I have ever have. Life beat the hell out of me this year.
I was originally going to do a top 50 favorite images for 2010. However that wouldn't be fair to some clients who were photographed later in the year and haven't recieved their proofs yet. (Once again, Life beat the hell out of me this year.) So instead, I thought I would let you in on "the inbetween". What I was doing when I wasn't shooting for clients.
This year, God taught me how to be joyful. I have posted on this subject a few times this year and I fully understand the meaning now. At least, I understand joy on earth. I'm sure joy in Heaven is a much more enormous animal, and I am so excited to feel THAT joy. But I digress. The joy that I have felt this year has been almost a way of healing. I've always said, there cannot be joy without sorrow and WOW did I get that phrase spoonfed to me this year.
But, I am still grateful. I'm totally swept off my feet with HIS GRACE.
Here is the journey into the in-between of my year...
Thank you all for listening to me vent this year, for not calling me a big ol crybaby, for celebrating my joys and for embracing me with your unending love and support. I love my people. :) May God bless you richly in the year to come and may it be filled with more joy than heartache, more happiness than sorrow, and and more growth than restriction. GOD IS GREAT!!!!!
I was originally going to do a top 50 favorite images for 2010. However that wouldn't be fair to some clients who were photographed later in the year and haven't recieved their proofs yet. (Once again, Life beat the hell out of me this year.) So instead, I thought I would let you in on "the inbetween". What I was doing when I wasn't shooting for clients.
This year, God taught me how to be joyful. I have posted on this subject a few times this year and I fully understand the meaning now. At least, I understand joy on earth. I'm sure joy in Heaven is a much more enormous animal, and I am so excited to feel THAT joy. But I digress. The joy that I have felt this year has been almost a way of healing. I've always said, there cannot be joy without sorrow and WOW did I get that phrase spoonfed to me this year.
But, I am still grateful. I'm totally swept off my feet with HIS GRACE.
Here is the journey into the in-between of my year...
Thank you all for listening to me vent this year, for not calling me a big ol crybaby, for celebrating my joys and for embracing me with your unending love and support. I love my people. :) May God bless you richly in the year to come and may it be filled with more joy than heartache, more happiness than sorrow, and and more growth than restriction. GOD IS GREAT!!!!!
Friday, December 17, 2010
Craziness, Looming Christmas, Witnessing and How a Lotus Grows
DISCLAIMER: This is me at my stressed out point. Read if you want to hear me whine and then be grateful. Get sassy, then feel guilty. And tell you how much I have learned from this Christmas season. Read at your own risk. Wear a shield for the mood swings. Not. even. kidding.
I thought it was appropriate to let you all in on some of the things that have been going on in my life & business. Because YES, THEY ARE TWO VERY DIFFERENT THINGS. Seeing as I am HUMAN, and not a robot. I do not live my life turned on, plugged in, and available to every ones whim 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Though some people (obviously those that are WAAY better at this than I am or have a team working for them) claim to do or be in their business.
CRAZINESS
The view my 10 month old daughter has been seeing from October until now is from a playpen in front of the tv, or a walker. Why? Because I am in a rush at all times and am working. I'm too busy to hold her. Too busy to play. Too busy to be anything I always said I would never let my business make me be. I believe this is what my second blogpost ever jt Photography: playplace">was all about. What have I done?
I have let everyone else's "wants" take over my family's needs. And it's taking a toll on me, my kids, my family, my health. I am starting over now, I am not going to do this to them, to myself, anymore.
As a business owner, I assume that you come to a point to where you draw the line. Do I continue to bend over backwards for everyone or am I at a good enough point to be able to tell people "no"? I'm still feeling as though that line is blurry. Though I believe I am at a really good place in my business, am I willing to make sacrifices at my family's expense? Am I willing to short-change myself and how much I regard my work to be worth? Let me ask YOU a question...
In comparison to our careers, please look at it this way and then take a walk in my shoes...
In your job would you let...
-your boss ask you to stay over 3 hours to wait on an email, customer, or phone call? Oh and by the way, you are not getting paid for that.
-your boss call you or text you at 9:00 at night on a weeknight?
-your boss yell at you for something you explained in detail and he signed?
-Your boss ask you to do all the work you normally do and only do it for half your salary or hourly wage?
These are a SHORT list of things that aggravate me. Of course you wouldn't. But just because I work for myself (Which should be even more reason NOT to do it!) everyone expects me to be their stepping stone.
Work is not the only thing that has been piling on me, as family issues & illnesses, my dads recovery (Which is so so much of a happiness in my life, but I feel like I was just on the Gravitron of emotions.), friends who are struggling and I want and need to help, my own demands at home (which I was NOT accomplishing), and not taking any time for myself. I was starting to see that black cloud descend on me again. That d-word. I found myself crying in the shower. Yelling for no reason. Snapping at everyone I love. That damn d-word.
I finally broke down last Saturday. Someone broke their word to me and it sent the already irritated and cracking stone Jamie into a tirade. I sounded like a whiny baby. I was straight up bitching. I am not afraid to say that. I was BITCHING.
Who was I bitching at? Was I upset at the person who broke their word to me? Yes. I still am a little bit. But was that why I was so angry? Was that why I was bitching? No. Who was I pissed at, then? Myself. Why had I let things get this far out of hand? Why did I short change myself once again? Why was I crying over my kitchen sink about this one stupid little trivial detail in the bigger and worse things that could have sent me into this tirade? Why was I acting like a total fool? Because I had made it that way. I had over stacked my shoulders. And now I just have to suck it up and get over it. And I will. But sometimes writing it out is better than bottling it up. At least for me.
Why do I need to make this public? Because I need those who are on my back to cut me some slack. Put yourself in my shoes. Because while I am working so much on making sure you get everything you want, I am missing this...
... and I can't get that back.
LOOMING CHRISTMAS
Christmas Day is only 8 days away. I finally do have all of my Christmas shopping done as of yesterday. They are all wrapped and put together and hidden away until "Santa" brings them on Christmas Eve. (If you still believe in Santa, erase that last sentence from your mind.)Before I had any of that done, I was despising Christmas. I was really upset that I was no where where I needed to be by that day as far as workload and responsibilities to my kids. And I should have expected it because I do this to myself every year. This year was just a lot more exaggerated because of how much more business I got this year. (Which I am COMPLETELY GRATEFUL FOR!!!!!)
After I wrapped the last present yesterday I sighed and really felt the load fall off my shoulders. I actually felt the Christmas spirit slip into my heart for the first time this season.
WITNESSING
Since the beginning of October alot of things have happened. Some not directly to me, but to those in my personal universe. Friends have had tragedy, family has had emergencies and panic, and some great things have happened as well with my own family, and friends that are experiencing joy. Through these last 3 months, my faith has been tested, restored, shaken, restored, and tested and restored. Remember the emotional gravitron I was talking about? Yeah, that's what I mean. It's not that when things go bad I stop believing in God. That's not what I mean at all. Just those times when something goes bad and you wonder "Why are you doing this?" or "How could you let this happen?" But i am reminded again and again in His love every time I am tested or shaken because of the little or big things he puts in front of me or in my path. God winks are what I know them as.
I pray a lot. Like UHH-LOT. And one day I just prayed that I wanted to be given the opportunity to witness. I believe this was after a photo session with Leigha's Mom, Olga. Olga went through Leigha's loss, and although she is still working through the hardest parts, she witnesses through song. She travels to different churches or places of worship and fellowship and tells her story.
Later that week I was at home on a Monday, and received a phone call from a Senior clients mom and we got on the subject of my blog about my dad, and how she had went through the same thing with her dad but her dad, sadly, had perished to the illness. We talked for every bit of 45 minutes on faith alone. How much faith can give you such a rush, and how telling others about it makes you feel awesome for days. All she was calling about was how to place an order on the gallery,a nd we got into this whole wonderful conversation on faith. I think that was God's pep talk. My own personal pep rally, if you will ;) He was like, are you ready for this? The only thing missing was the entire Jock Jams album playing in the background ;) I was pumped.
A two weeks later, we had 3 family emergencies in one weekend, and also a couple friends of mine were faced with a terrible tragedy. Was I ready for this?! Thanks alot, God. What a time to be a witness. Everything is GOING WRONG. How do I witness to someone who is going through THAT kind of pain? SO I took a step back when I should have taken a step forward. I still can't find the right things to say. But God gave me another chance.
There's this guy. And he is a friend of mine. And has been for a long time. One of those friends that you have lost touch with and reconnected and every time you reconnect, they are different, but your friendship is the same. Do you know what I mean? Well, my friend called me out of the blue one day asking for advice. I really didn't know what to say because he was kinda stuck in a hard place. Without going into too many details, the guy is bottomed out. He's fed up, has had enough and was feeling ready to quit. And usually when you get to that point is when you start saying, "Why me?" Why, why, why? I had no intention of witnessing to him. And especially to HIM. I didn't think he even believed in God at all. I wasn't sure if I could go there, but my mouth just opened and out came, "When people are at their lowest is when you usually find your faith." I remember the conversation afterward and I can tell you that I was being God's messenger, because the wisdom that spewed out into formed words was not my own. I made him have an ah-ha moment and i will regard this as one of the best days of my life because God gave me the right words to say and explain faith to someone who needed it. The after effects of our conversation are even more proof that God was talking through me that day. The God Winks for my friend were one right after the other. I am so happy for him.
Ever since then, I have been trying to listen to my heart and reach out to those that God puts on my heart. Others have done this for me before and I am so appreciative and grateful for that. Now it's time to pay it forward.
HOW A LOTUS GROWS
I started this blog post out unhappy and ended it with joy that makes my heart sing. Such as life, huh? It's like a lotus. To get the lotus, you have to have mud. You have to encounter and deal with the nasty stuff to get to the beautiful. Nothing is easy. And if it's easy, you just haven't gotten very far.
There will be more days ahead where I will be bitching. I know this. I know that just because I have faith and that I am spiritual that its not rainbows and sunbursts from that point on. It's hard, if not harder, because of the social stigmas we put on believers. But I am brave. I've been in the mud. I don't want to go anywhere but up. And I want to blossom on top of the water, just like that lotus.
I thought it was appropriate to let you all in on some of the things that have been going on in my life & business. Because YES, THEY ARE TWO VERY DIFFERENT THINGS. Seeing as I am HUMAN, and not a robot. I do not live my life turned on, plugged in, and available to every ones whim 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Though some people (obviously those that are WAAY better at this than I am or have a team working for them) claim to do or be in their business.
CRAZINESS
The view my 10 month old daughter has been seeing from October until now is from a playpen in front of the tv, or a walker. Why? Because I am in a rush at all times and am working. I'm too busy to hold her. Too busy to play. Too busy to be anything I always said I would never let my business make me be. I believe this is what my second blogpost ever jt Photography: playplace">was all about. What have I done?
I have let everyone else's "wants" take over my family's needs. And it's taking a toll on me, my kids, my family, my health. I am starting over now, I am not going to do this to them, to myself, anymore.
As a business owner, I assume that you come to a point to where you draw the line. Do I continue to bend over backwards for everyone or am I at a good enough point to be able to tell people "no"? I'm still feeling as though that line is blurry. Though I believe I am at a really good place in my business, am I willing to make sacrifices at my family's expense? Am I willing to short-change myself and how much I regard my work to be worth? Let me ask YOU a question...
In comparison to our careers, please look at it this way and then take a walk in my shoes...
In your job would you let...
-your boss ask you to stay over 3 hours to wait on an email, customer, or phone call? Oh and by the way, you are not getting paid for that.
-your boss call you or text you at 9:00 at night on a weeknight?
-your boss yell at you for something you explained in detail and he signed?
-Your boss ask you to do all the work you normally do and only do it for half your salary or hourly wage?
These are a SHORT list of things that aggravate me. Of course you wouldn't. But just because I work for myself (Which should be even more reason NOT to do it!) everyone expects me to be their stepping stone.
Work is not the only thing that has been piling on me, as family issues & illnesses, my dads recovery (Which is so so much of a happiness in my life, but I feel like I was just on the Gravitron of emotions.), friends who are struggling and I want and need to help, my own demands at home (which I was NOT accomplishing), and not taking any time for myself. I was starting to see that black cloud descend on me again. That d-word. I found myself crying in the shower. Yelling for no reason. Snapping at everyone I love. That damn d-word.
I finally broke down last Saturday. Someone broke their word to me and it sent the already irritated and cracking stone Jamie into a tirade. I sounded like a whiny baby. I was straight up bitching. I am not afraid to say that. I was BITCHING.
Who was I bitching at? Was I upset at the person who broke their word to me? Yes. I still am a little bit. But was that why I was so angry? Was that why I was bitching? No. Who was I pissed at, then? Myself. Why had I let things get this far out of hand? Why did I short change myself once again? Why was I crying over my kitchen sink about this one stupid little trivial detail in the bigger and worse things that could have sent me into this tirade? Why was I acting like a total fool? Because I had made it that way. I had over stacked my shoulders. And now I just have to suck it up and get over it. And I will. But sometimes writing it out is better than bottling it up. At least for me.
Why do I need to make this public? Because I need those who are on my back to cut me some slack. Put yourself in my shoes. Because while I am working so much on making sure you get everything you want, I am missing this...
... and I can't get that back.
LOOMING CHRISTMAS
Christmas Day is only 8 days away. I finally do have all of my Christmas shopping done as of yesterday. They are all wrapped and put together and hidden away until "Santa" brings them on Christmas Eve. (If you still believe in Santa, erase that last sentence from your mind.)Before I had any of that done, I was despising Christmas. I was really upset that I was no where where I needed to be by that day as far as workload and responsibilities to my kids. And I should have expected it because I do this to myself every year. This year was just a lot more exaggerated because of how much more business I got this year. (Which I am COMPLETELY GRATEFUL FOR!!!!!)
After I wrapped the last present yesterday I sighed and really felt the load fall off my shoulders. I actually felt the Christmas spirit slip into my heart for the first time this season.
WITNESSING
Since the beginning of October alot of things have happened. Some not directly to me, but to those in my personal universe. Friends have had tragedy, family has had emergencies and panic, and some great things have happened as well with my own family, and friends that are experiencing joy. Through these last 3 months, my faith has been tested, restored, shaken, restored, and tested and restored. Remember the emotional gravitron I was talking about? Yeah, that's what I mean. It's not that when things go bad I stop believing in God. That's not what I mean at all. Just those times when something goes bad and you wonder "Why are you doing this?" or "How could you let this happen?" But i am reminded again and again in His love every time I am tested or shaken because of the little or big things he puts in front of me or in my path. God winks are what I know them as.
I pray a lot. Like UHH-LOT. And one day I just prayed that I wanted to be given the opportunity to witness. I believe this was after a photo session with Leigha's Mom, Olga. Olga went through Leigha's loss, and although she is still working through the hardest parts, she witnesses through song. She travels to different churches or places of worship and fellowship and tells her story.
Later that week I was at home on a Monday, and received a phone call from a Senior clients mom and we got on the subject of my blog about my dad, and how she had went through the same thing with her dad but her dad, sadly, had perished to the illness. We talked for every bit of 45 minutes on faith alone. How much faith can give you such a rush, and how telling others about it makes you feel awesome for days. All she was calling about was how to place an order on the gallery,a nd we got into this whole wonderful conversation on faith. I think that was God's pep talk. My own personal pep rally, if you will ;) He was like, are you ready for this? The only thing missing was the entire Jock Jams album playing in the background ;) I was pumped.
A two weeks later, we had 3 family emergencies in one weekend, and also a couple friends of mine were faced with a terrible tragedy. Was I ready for this?! Thanks alot, God. What a time to be a witness. Everything is GOING WRONG. How do I witness to someone who is going through THAT kind of pain? SO I took a step back when I should have taken a step forward. I still can't find the right things to say. But God gave me another chance.
There's this guy. And he is a friend of mine. And has been for a long time. One of those friends that you have lost touch with and reconnected and every time you reconnect, they are different, but your friendship is the same. Do you know what I mean? Well, my friend called me out of the blue one day asking for advice. I really didn't know what to say because he was kinda stuck in a hard place. Without going into too many details, the guy is bottomed out. He's fed up, has had enough and was feeling ready to quit. And usually when you get to that point is when you start saying, "Why me?" Why, why, why? I had no intention of witnessing to him. And especially to HIM. I didn't think he even believed in God at all. I wasn't sure if I could go there, but my mouth just opened and out came, "When people are at their lowest is when you usually find your faith." I remember the conversation afterward and I can tell you that I was being God's messenger, because the wisdom that spewed out into formed words was not my own. I made him have an ah-ha moment and i will regard this as one of the best days of my life because God gave me the right words to say and explain faith to someone who needed it. The after effects of our conversation are even more proof that God was talking through me that day. The God Winks for my friend were one right after the other. I am so happy for him.
Ever since then, I have been trying to listen to my heart and reach out to those that God puts on my heart. Others have done this for me before and I am so appreciative and grateful for that. Now it's time to pay it forward.
HOW A LOTUS GROWS
I started this blog post out unhappy and ended it with joy that makes my heart sing. Such as life, huh? It's like a lotus. To get the lotus, you have to have mud. You have to encounter and deal with the nasty stuff to get to the beautiful. Nothing is easy. And if it's easy, you just haven't gotten very far.
There will be more days ahead where I will be bitching. I know this. I know that just because I have faith and that I am spiritual that its not rainbows and sunbursts from that point on. It's hard, if not harder, because of the social stigmas we put on believers. But I am brave. I've been in the mud. I don't want to go anywhere but up. And I want to blossom on top of the water, just like that lotus.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
jt's life series... Sledding!
(Side note! I promised Kate Spring that I would post some pictures of the entries from the 1/2 price Session Fee contest, and I still will! I just planned to do this today, so I will definatley post them, I'm not SLACKING I SWEAR!) :)
Yesterday I took my two nephews, Jacob & Griffin, and my Libbers sledding at the resivour in Van Wert. I never intended to get on a sled, but I went with Libs once, and then I was hooked. I forgot how much fun it was, and I definatly needed to feel like a kid again! :) Everyone should! :) Here's some shots I got before I put my camera away and just flew down the hill until my derrier was frozen solid!
Lib had so much fun! She kept saying, "I think the Penguins live here. I think they will get mad that we are using all their snow." She kept us all laughing the entire time we were there.
Lib couldn't get up the hill. This is her one attempt at trying by herself. It's pretty humourous. I took a continuous shot, and there were plenty more frames, but I had to edit them down because I think I could have posted her walking in 45 frames! the 2nd to last time we went down the hill before leaving, she said "Mom, I think I'm just going to give up." She's such a nut. :)
Griffin and Jake brought their snowboard. I was too chicken to get on watching the boys go tumbling down the hill. I don't like to tumble, and I bruise really easily, okay?! They had so much fun, here is a frame by frame of Griffin in a pretty successful attempt down the hill.
Jake found us a ramp made of snow and we all tried to hit it. Lib and I were barreling down the hill at like 60 mph (I SWEAR.) BACKWARDS, and hit the thing. I was cussing, I confess. Good thing Lib doesn't really listen to me, or she may be asking me why poop is holy?! LOL! Here is Jake getting some air on his sled...
I love this picture, because it just shows the relationship these boys have with Liberty. They are like my big brothers were to me. I think the three of them (and our new little nephew coming in June!) will be there for each other much like my brothers and I. That makes me smile :)
Yesterday I took my two nephews, Jacob & Griffin, and my Libbers sledding at the resivour in Van Wert. I never intended to get on a sled, but I went with Libs once, and then I was hooked. I forgot how much fun it was, and I definatly needed to feel like a kid again! :) Everyone should! :) Here's some shots I got before I put my camera away and just flew down the hill until my derrier was frozen solid!
Lib had so much fun! She kept saying, "I think the Penguins live here. I think they will get mad that we are using all their snow." She kept us all laughing the entire time we were there.
Lib couldn't get up the hill. This is her one attempt at trying by herself. It's pretty humourous. I took a continuous shot, and there were plenty more frames, but I had to edit them down because I think I could have posted her walking in 45 frames! the 2nd to last time we went down the hill before leaving, she said "Mom, I think I'm just going to give up." She's such a nut. :)
Griffin and Jake brought their snowboard. I was too chicken to get on watching the boys go tumbling down the hill. I don't like to tumble, and I bruise really easily, okay?! They had so much fun, here is a frame by frame of Griffin in a pretty successful attempt down the hill.
Jake found us a ramp made of snow and we all tried to hit it. Lib and I were barreling down the hill at like 60 mph (I SWEAR.) BACKWARDS, and hit the thing. I was cussing, I confess. Good thing Lib doesn't really listen to me, or she may be asking me why poop is holy?! LOL! Here is Jake getting some air on his sled...
I love this picture, because it just shows the relationship these boys have with Liberty. They are like my big brothers were to me. I think the three of them (and our new little nephew coming in June!) will be there for each other much like my brothers and I. That makes me smile :)
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